The perfect words never crossed my mind;

.Monday, May 28, 2007 ' 10:05 PM Y

& your love is all i ever wanted

Some jokes I got off the net. Guys will probably enjoy them more. If you find them disturbing or tasteless in any way, buzz off.

A man walks by a bar and sees a sign that says free beer. The man runs in and asks the bartender for the free beer. The bartender said sure, but you got to do 3 things first. The man said he would do anything. The bartender says okay, “All you have to do is drink this jar of Tabasco sauce, pull the soar tooth from the alligator out back, and have sex with the 400 pound woman upstairs. The man said never. The next day he goes to the same bar desperate for a beer and said that he would do it. So he drinks the jar of Tabasco sauce like it was nothing. He runs out to the back. The bartender hears the man grunting and the alligator growling. The man comes running back and says "Where is the lady with the sore tooth again?"

Whats the difference between a lawyer and a sperm?At least one has the chance of being a human being.

Gross out people in the toilet!
1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, ''May I borrow a highlighter?''
2. ''Uh-oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that.''
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. ''Hmmm, I've never seen that color before.''
5. ''Damn, this water is cold.''
6. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
7. ''Now how did that get there?''
8. ''Hummus. Reminds me of hummus.''
9. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,''Whoa! Easy boy!!''
10. '' Interesting....more sinkers than floaters''
11. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say,''Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"
12. ''C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"
13. ''Boy, that sure looks like a maggot''
14. ''Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?''
15. Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
16. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down your ''Cross-Dressers Anonymous'' newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
17. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, ''Peek-a-boo!''

Two men were talking one dayThe first man tells the second man, "my girlfriend asked me a very weird question the other day."The second man asks, "Well, what did she ask?"The first man replied, "She asked me if I was a pedophile."The second man said, "Well, what did you tell her?"The first man replied, "I said, Holy Cow, that's a big word for a 12 year old."

One day a little boy went up to his mom and asked,"Mom, is God a boy or a girl?"The mom said,"Honey, he is both." The next day, the boy went up to his dad and asked,"Dad, is God black or white?"And the dad replied,"Son, He is both."At dinner, the boy asked his parents,"Mom, Dad, is Michael Jackson God?"

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name."Yeah teach?" he replies."If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off.""No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds."Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

There was a farmer who had three daughters and they all had dates one night. The first guy knocks on the door and the farmer answers. The guy says "My name is Freddie, I'm here to pick up Betty, We're going out to eat spaghetti, Is she ready?" So, Freddie and Betty leave.The second guy knocks on the door and the famer answers. The guy says "My name is Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo, We're going to the show, Is she ready to go?" So, Joe and Flo leave.The third guy knocks on the door and the farmer answers. The guy says "My name is Chuck!".....and the farmer shot him.